if i ever get semi involved with anyone in the near future

I’ve realized that there are some things they are going to have to know about me.

So I’m keeping a running tally.

• I drink. I drink and I get giggly and ignorant. I dont get irresponsible. But damn it. I drink. You’re gonna have to be okay with that. I dont expect you to love it or think i’m cute while drunk or anything like that. but accept it [[i had a guy curse me out everytime i sipped something once.]]
• I am passionate. While this translates to strong lover, protector, etc for some. it translates to crazy bitch for others. I’m not psycho. but i can become vehement about my causes. [[they include women’s rights, children’s rights, education, abuse, and mental illness fyi. TRIGGERS]]
• I speak crazy ass wtf nuyo-chicagoRican spanglish frequently. When I’m inebriated, sleepy, or just not thinking. sometimes my words become bilingual blends. stop me and ask what im sayin. or brush up on your spanish
• i write. all the time. at work, in class, at night, while everyone else is asleep. i write at awkward moments. im fine, let me be great. and let me write lol
• i read all the time too. and sleep. and play videogames. let me be great lol

thats all i got for now thooo….i need to keep track of these

my poetry

has been all over the place lately

i’ve been writing and saving drafts and putting snippets away damn near daily…

i think its time for me to start performing and publishing….i’ve got too much 

Sparks.

Kissing you felt like magic.
Spells aged for centuries entered me
perfectly electrifying from your conductor tongue
I was Spellbound
Thunderstruck bewitched
Hexed
Perplexed I
couldn’t understand
Why…
Why had my breathing stopped…
Why was my heart beating so fast….
When did this start…
How do I make this last… 

Kissing you. tasted like liquid sun.
Warm pulsating surfaces our lips and tongue
Lashed out like blazing coronas
Our crowning glory golden and blinding blazing hot passionate
Fire.
Consuming me.
Incinerating from the inside out
The only visible remnants being the smolder in my cheeks
And the spark in my eyes

Kissing you.
Made me see
Past Infinity
And into the newly beating hearts
Of Stars. 

watch. i’m gonna find me a one headlight kinda fling next.

i feel it. smh

lately i’ve been having those “fight for it” kind of days

where i have to force myself to keep my head above water….and not give in to the sadness…

and today has just been so dang hard….it takes all of my energy to stay up. upbeat. normal. happy.

hell, im fighting to look balanced.

its just…hard. I have sooo much to do…this is just a really bad time to start having episodes…Im about to start my grad classes for god’s sake.

and it just seems sooo easy. to just give up. and give in. but i cant do that. i cant.  i have too much to accomplish to start giving in now.

my lows have been scraping near bottom lately…but i dont even know why or what completely triggers me…because when i’m fine. I am glorious.

idk. It just feels like I keep having to swallow my heart. and that’s eating me from the inside out.

another awkward moment

                                                      Tears
                                                  Are        So 
                                              Powerful,    Such
                                            Curious         Things
                                         They tend         To  Fall 
                                      At moments of        Joy and
                                    In Moments of           Pain  but 
                                  More often than       Not they tend 
                                To fall at times of   Fear and in Despair
                              However, In my  experience  tears   most
                             Commonly fall at times  of intense loneliness
                               Shortly   after   I   have   to   admit  the
                                sentiment To myself.   Even still, more
                                  often than not Tears appear, to me,
                                      for    what   seems   to    be
                                                No reason at all

Changing how I view my Self is the hardest battle ‘ve ever fought

fact.

i’ve been trying at this for a loooong time now

those awkward moment of realization

….i’m not lonely by any means. not right now at least. not today lol

but i think about certain aspects of my life…decisions that i’ve been making as of late

and i feel empty.

like that junk is mindless. hollow reasoning behind some of them. But the messed up part is…that i believe that I have handled them in the best way possible.

idk. If I were to ever have a daughter…would I be a woman that I’d want her to meet? I can still say yes to that question…im not a bad person…nor am I a bad role model.

but i know I’m not perfect. far from it. I’m battling moreso if i’m the kind of person I can stand to meet my Self…

Sleep

You drag across my eyelids
Brown Irises stained into technicolor in your wake
Blurring together in a Blend of synchronized Cacaphony
Placing familiar shapes and figures into the forefront of my brain

You left me with an incomplete picture
But my mind fills in the rest

I rest
My head on pillows of new uncertainty
Created by your doubt
Impressionable as I am
The
Newly formed
Memory
leaves your imprint in my senses
Vague and soft on the edges
A ghostly carbon copy

I am afraid
That
When my mind gives in
To this impending
Weariness
That has settled in the front of my skull
You may appear there
A vision based upon your ghost of a self
Because You’re starting to haunt me as it is…
And I thought I was wide awake. 

Alejandro Sanz

could sing. absolute ignorance to me. ignorance and confusion and mass ridiculousness….

so long as he sang it.

that awkward moment when music expresses all those hard to describe sentiments sitting on your chest…

madre delodios…..

everything…

Shorts

I exposed my self a little bit today
was pleasantly surprised
By the weather outside
So i removed my layers
And exposed some skin

To the elements.

i was pleasantly surprised
To find
That
There was sunlight
Today
There was sunlight
Even at night
Reflected in your eyes
The warmth radiating
From your laugh

Consequently my weather worn soul
Found a soothing comfort
When exposed
To the elements of your world
And found it to be not only pleasant
And similar to mine
But also
refreshing and soothing.

Momentarily healed.

i did not realize how much i miss and love the twerk

..until i was separated from Atlanta for a week.

this is sad lol